


Speed Trap

by castcharmperson (MagpieWords)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Arson, Crimes & Criminals, Danger, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Flirting, Gen, Kidnapping, M/M, Slow Burn, don't do a crime, it would be a coffee shop au if taako wasn't busy with crime, off-screen violence, the relationship is a slow burn. The arson is not.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-06 02:54:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18379478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpieWords/pseuds/castcharmperson
Summary: Non-magical modern AU where Taako does a crime and Kravitz absolutely does not get paid enough to deal with it. But really though, impersonating an officer shouldn't be a crime if he'sthisgood at it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last year for TaakitzWeek2 and I still really love this concept. Figured I'd bring it over to ao3 and maybe write more for the series eventually. Wrote this for the 'crossover' prompt, since it's inspired by brooklyn 99 and white collar, but the connection to those two shows is so loose that I wont be tagging for them.  
> This is a very slow burn - taako and kravitz don't even start a relationship in this fic, it's just sort of hinted it mostly through taako trying to flirt his way out of trouble.
> 
> Also I turned the "tentacle your dick" line into a "I'll suck your dick to avoid getting a ticket" joke and I am genuinely sorry for that.

It wasn’t Taako’s fault that he got fired. The product was damaged, some kid was clumsy in the back of the shop, so the manager told Taako to throw out it. Sure, the eyeshadow palette was cracked, but other than that it was perfectly fine. Some pigment from the blue crossed into the green, but honestly, Taako had several outfits that would be amazing with that unique shade of teal. So the product was supposed to go in the trash, instead it ended up in Taako’s pocket. There was almost no difference between the two, especially when he changed out of his work uniform and into his black skinny jeans that were all but threadbare.

But then he was in the parking lot, sitting on the hood of his car and nowhere near the store, when his manager thought it’d be a great time to remind him that smoking would be the death of him. Seriously, Taako was off the clock and even if he wasn’t, his manager wasn’t his mom, don’t tell him what to do.

“Hey, why do you have one of our palettes in your pocket?”

So now Taako didn’t have a job. Again. He’d been lucky to score that easy gig, to have some sort of start at paying off his loans, but now he was blacklisted from the entire mall. And it wasn’t like he could work in any of the restaurants nearby because his asshole ex-boyfriend had literally soured every contact they had in the food industry.

Taako had three degrees to his name. He was an engineer and a chef, but even before his credibility was destroyed, the only thing his fancy education brought him was a bank account perpetually in the red.

“Hey Koko, you’re home early.” Lup shrugged off her uniform jacket and went directly to the fridge. Living with his sister was the best thing to happen to him since coming back from the nightmare Paris had turned into. She had a steady job, a dangerous one, but she was never late to pay rent like he always seemed to be. She was so patient with him, it almost felt unfair. She really should have kicked him out by now; instead, she constantly reminded him that his luck would change any day now. He’d catch his break, or there was always a job for him at the station.

He appreciated her offer, he really did, but Taako he knew he wouldn’t survive a day being a police officer. The idea of him being in uniform and competently saving lives was laughable. He barely managed to handle the stress of knowing his sister was putting her life on the line for this shitty city.

“Uh, yeah.” And he could not handle the stress of her knowing he got fired again.

“Everything okay? I know you’re manager’s a jerk but maybe-“

“They actually got fired today.” What? No, stop. He was not lying to his sister, she’d see right through him. Instead, Lup turned around grinning. “Yeah and um, I’m the new manager. Regional position, actually, pretty nice.”

“Taako!” She was hugging him and he felt sick. “That’s amazing! I told you things would turn around!” What happened to twin telepathy? Why did she believe him? Why was he lying to her??

She said something about a date with Barry, but Taako was barely listening. Now that he was thinking about it, it wasn’t surprising that she believed him; they didn’t keep things from each other, she had no reason to suspect anything.

Home alone again, the smart thing to do would be to tell her the truth. Text her. It would maybe ruin her date, but at least the fall out would be buffered until she got back home. Besides, date night with Barry meant the two of them were shopping for Mr. and Mrs. suitcase sets or some other gross couple-y nonsense. There wasn’t much to ruin. She’d be mad, but in time, everything would be fine.

Just sitting on the couch, phone in hand as he hovered over the digital keyboard, he was already nauseous from her imagined anger. Getting fired again was bad enough, but lying to her? Why did he say that?

The smart thing to do would be telling the truth. But the Taako thing to do would be to make the truth. He said he got promoted, new job, new hours, new money. All he had to do was find that job.

Next morning, he was out of the house before she even woke up. Note on the fridge, something vague about new hours for manager training and a breakfast pastry waiting for her, and she wouldn’t suspect a thing. Taako wasn’t sure where he was going to find this new truth of a job, but it had to be out there. The mall by the house wasn’t an option, but there were other malls and he had gas to burn after swiping that seemingly unlimited gift card off of some rich asshole a few months back.

Speeding down the highway, Taako forced himself to be hopeful. It was the tail end of fall, places would be hiring. The kids to help with the summer rush all had classes again and stores wanted to start preparing for the holiday rush. Lup was right, even if she didn’t know the whole picture. His luck was turning.

But maybe that luck was taking a smoke break as he heard sirens behind him. Glancing in the mirror, a cop car tailed him down the freeway. “Bullshit,” Taako cursed as he pulled over. Everyone sped down this stretch, why was he being pulled over?

He rolled down his window and was treated to someone glaring at him through a large pair of aviators. “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” Ridiculous sunglasses matched with an equally ridiculous accent. No way that was real.

Taako couldn’t help himself, losing the fight against the grin taking over his face. “Blimey, officer, I ain’t sure.” It’d been over a decade since his and Lup’s high school stardom in a rather strange retelling of _Oliver Twist_ but Taako’s accent was still more believable than the officer’s.

The officer’s brow twitched and then he slid his glasses off, as though Taako’s joke might have somehow been a trick of his lenses. “Excuse me?” The accent was faltering worse now, but without the glasses, Taako was able to fully appreciate the man’s face.

“Oh wow, if all the cops were as handsome as you, I’d maybe be tempted to follow all the laws.”

The handsome man’s face twisted further in confusion. “What is wrong with you? I’m giving you a speeding ticket and you’re hitting on me?”

Taako just shrugged, but then the threat of a ticket finally sunk in. “Wait, shit, a ticket? Come on, I couldn’t have been going that fast.”

“I’ve certainly seen faster on this street, but eighty in a fifty five still isn’t great.”

Taako did the math real quick, facts and figures from Lup’s studying for the academy still fresh in his mind even though she’d graduated years ago. There was no way he could afford a ticket for going that high over the limit. “Okay hold on, hot stuff. Can’t you cut me a break? First time offense and all?”

“Not five seconds ago, you admitted to me that the lack of attractive police force was contribution to your history of crime.” His tone was turning amused now, seeming to enjoy the way the conversation had slipped back into his control. His smile was unfairly charming, even if the accent was still disastrous.

Taako couldn’t afford to be distracted though. “I’m not a criminal! Dude, come on, I will give you everything in my wallet if you don’t ticket me.”

“Bribing an officer? I do not want to deal with the paperwork for that. Just stay here.” He started back to his squad car and Taako leaned out the window to holler after him.

“Come on, hot stuff, don’t be like this! At least lemme get that name, I’m about to suck your dick for free if I can’t do it to get out of a ticket!”

The officer ignored him, coming back to throw a slip of paper through Taako’s window. His sunglasses were back on, covering some of his face but not enough to hide a profound blush, likely from what Taako had been shouting at him. “Do me a favor, Mr. Taako? Be a criminal in some other district because I would love to never ticket you again.”

At least the piece of paper gave Taako a name: K. Queen. Not that it meant anything with one of the most common last names in the city. Besides, Taako couldn’t exactly try to hook up with someone if he got arrested for overdue fines. Long after the officer drove off, Taako sat in his own car on the side of the highway. The price mocked him from the piece of paper, like it knew he’d never afford it and rent at the same time.

Another car zoomed past him, easily going over the eighty Taako had been caught for. If only he could pull over that guy, charge him in order to pay off his own ticket. It’d be fair- there were drunk drivers and reckless assholes all over this stupid city. They should be getting ticketed, not him!

Wait… That wasn’t a bad idea.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> impersonating an officer is a serious crime. dont try this at home. also sorry, no kravitz in this chapter

It was almost too easy to take one of Lup’s old uniforms from the washing machine. Transforming his car wasn’t even much of a challenge- Magnus owed him a favor after Taako’s starring role in a TV ad doubled the business to his tiny repair shop. Now Taako had lights and sirens at the flick of a switch, but otherwise his car looked the same. The distance and time travelled of other cars were easy enough to calculate into a speed and Taako had the entire police handbook memorized. Everything was good to go.

He left early the next morning again, changing in the back of his car before sitting on the side of the road. Just after rush hour and someone flew by him, easily hitting a hundred. Taako raced after the other driver but his hand hesitated over the switch. Was he really going to do this?

Well, it was this or having Lup find out he lied to her and still couldn’t afford rent this month. The choice was clear.

His siren blared and the other car slowed to a stop on the side of the otherwise empty highway. Taako sat for a bit, telling himself it was to let the other driver feel the heat a little, when really he was the one sweating. Pulling off this act was going to be the hardest part, but at least he wouldn’t be dumb enough to use an accent.

“Ma’am, do you have any idea how fast you were going?”

The short woman looked absolutely panicked, eyes wide and a mess of curly hair. Taako kind of felt bad, but then she started talking. “Oh Officer, I am so so sorry, but I’m so late! Please, I really don’t have time for a ticket but I swear I won’t-“

Taako held up a hand to stop her and she immediately fell quiet. He was glad he’d snagged these wide sunglasses from the mall to hide how wide his eyes went. Sure, he needed the cash, but the power trip from this was a very nice bonus.

“Ma’am, I really don’t have time for every sob story, I think you know that.”

She sighed. “Yeah I know. I just. I have a date and she’s. She’s something else but I got the time messed up and I don’t want her to think I stood her up and my phone has no battery-“

“Jeez, lady okay,” he didn’t want to keep her much longer, “I can let you go without the ticket but think you can, ya know, donate a little something to the Officers’ Holiday Fund?”

She squinted at him. “It’s September.”

“We like to start early. Now you want a ticket or what?”

And just like that, half his debt was paid.

The next speeding car followed not long after. The man was gruff looking and had his heater running, despite the warm fall weather. Taako felt like fire was licking at his face when the window rolled down.

“Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”

“Yeah yeah,” he grumbled, “how much is it going to be?”

Well, this was easier. Taako leaned on the edge of the window and immediately flinched back from the hot metal. “Gonna probably run you close to five hundred, Sir. Going triple digits on this road is pretty bad.”

The man groaned. But Taako continued. “I’ll let you in a secret, though. It’s five hundred if you pay with a check through the mail, processing fees and all. If you’ve got half that in cash on you now, I’ll write it down on my notes here and you’ll be good to go.”

“Really?” The man brightened, already reaching into his back pocket.

“Yup,” Taako grinned. This was even easier than he thought it’d be.

By the end of the week, he made enough money to pay rent for the next three months. Before he realized it, months had passed, yet everything was still flawless. Lup didn’t suspect a thing, Taako was rolling in cash, and no one was getting hurt. The people he was pulling over didn’t need the money like he did- not when they carried so much cash and drove such nice cars. When someone couldn’t pay, he reduced the fee with a wink and a warning. He made his own hours, took days off whenever he wanted, never had anyone to yell at him for being late or taking a smoke break. Honestly, Taako was sure he could do this for the rest of his life- no one was going to on the lookout for a fake cop.

But then it was ten o’clock in the morning and someone was swerving down his stretch of highway. Taako hesitated. Sure, he could probably make a pretty penny off the drunk driver, but the idea of letting them go when he was done felt truly criminal. It wasn’t like Taako could actually make an arrest though. Still, maybe he’d figure out what to do by the time the driver pulled over. He turned on the siren and followed, watching as they clumsily pulled over.

“Good morning, sir. Think you’re in the right state of mind to be driving right now?”

The man behind the wheel grinned up at him. Taako didn’t need a breathalyzer, he could smell the gin on his guy before he rolled down the window. “Officer! Darling, I love your cadence, where you from?”

Taako rolled his eyes. What was wrong with this guy? He was being pulled over for drunk driving and he was hitting on the officer? Taako sighed. “Look, I’ve got a long day ahead of me, why don’t you give me your license and registration?”

The man produced the papers and Taako memorized the information before handing it back.

“I’m not in trouble, am I?” Brian, if the name on the license was accurate, leered at him, leaning on the edge of the window. “Officer, keep this between us and I can make it worth your while?”

Taako raised a brow, even as he was reaching for his phone. Brian didn’t elaborate, but he did reach out and slip a wad of bills in the front pocket of Taako’s borrowed uniform. He took a deep breath, needing every second of the last weeks of this impossible con in order to keep a straight face.

“Yeah, Brian, that’s not really going to fly. I’m going to call some back up now.” He brought the phone to his ear, number already dialed. As expected, Brian cursed him out and drove off, but the cash remained in Taako’s pocket.

“911, what’s your emergency?” Taako had met Ren the dispatcher a few times. She was good at what she did, but she also heard a hundred different voices every day. All he had to do was jump up his pitch and she wouldn’t suspect a thing.

“Uh, like, hi? Look my friend and I kind of started partying too early but then he, like, drove off for no reason! I don’t want him to get hurt!”

“Alright, can you tell me where he was going?”

“His name is Brian and he’s driving a black Chevy Spark down Highway 609 just after exit 7, license plate S41D35”

“Oh, okay. Can I get your name and number in case we lose connection?”

“Gosh thanks so much, bye!!” And Taako hung up. He hid out at the nearest gas station, watching two squad cars race by not five minutes later.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we almost had a coffee shop au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you ever just, like, forget friday exists? Sorry for the late chapter posting, I'm upload 3 and 4 today. And thanks so much for your kind comments!! Please enjoy some good good taakitz flirting!

Taako didn’t want to say he could put Professional Con Artist on his resume, but after half a year, he’d really turned his highway robbery into an art. The ‘clientele’ always kept him creative but overall, the job only got easier with time. His ticket was taken care of, rent was covered basically forever, even his college loans were finally paid off. He bought new clothes, bought a new phone, and could take Lup out to all the fanciest restaurants they used to dream about going to.

That was the only hard part of his ‘job’. For months, he lied to his sister every single day. Lied right to her face and she had no idea. Nothing changed between them, from Lup’s perspective, but Taako felt himself drifting away from her. She was his heart, they were a matching set, and he was ripping that bond apart.

The worst of it might be that the lying wasn’t even difficult anymore. He lied without even thinking about it now, and not just about where all his money was coming from. He made up fake boyfriends and breakups to justify going out late and coming home at strange hours. When she asked about his day, he faked office drama between managers, talked about false raises and imaginary coworkers. He was a completely different person and she had no clue. He hated it. He couldn’t stand living like this for another month, let alone the rest of his life.

But Taako had an exit strategy, it was just taking longer than expected. Having his debts cleared was better than he’d have ever dreamed; he actually had a savings account now. He had investments, and eventually, one of them was going to be ready to go.

His favorite investment was a small retail space just two blocks from his and Lup’s house. Construction was nearly done on what would be the perfect cafe, serving Taako Specialty Baked Good and Innovative Cuisine™. In just a few short weeks, he’d get back to what his life was meant to be.

Well, it was supposed to be a few short weeks. The crew working on his artsy, recycled wood floors ruined his construction timeline, so Magnus was in charge of all that now. Taako was waiting for him to arrive, checking on the new countertops when the bell chimed over the door.

“We’re not open yet,” Taako said, keeping his eyes on the level aligning the pipes for the on-tap beverages. Magnus knew to park in the back, but it was good to know the front door wasn’t squeaky anymore. “Come back in two weeks and I’ll give you free samples.”

“Oh, it’s you.” The cheesy accent was gone, but Taako was never going to forget that voice. He twirled around, grinning madly at the attractive man still standing in the doorframe of his shop.

“Well if it isn’t Officer Queen, figures a snack like you would have a sweet tooth.”

“I didn’t realize this was your shop-“

“I didn’t realized you’d be able to recognize me after six months.” Taako sauntered towards him, drinking in the sight of the officer in civilian clothes. The suit vest was overly formal for the spring weather, but looked fantastic on him. “Has work been slow or am I really just that memorable?”

Officer Queen wasn’t wearing his sunglasses and his expression had nothing to hide behind. It was obvious how completely out his element he was, but the way Taako bat his eyelashes must have truly pushed him over the edge, as a deep blush spread over his dark complexion, “I, uh,” he started, taking another step back. “I don't normally do traffic law enforcement, but we've been kind of understaffed. Your sister and I have been working together.”

Taako tried to run through all the names Lup had dropped whenever they chatted after work. Certainly she would have mention someone this attractive, even if she and Barry Bluejeans were getting married in a few weeks. Having a fiancé didn’t mean she didn’t have eyes.

Attractive, awkward, and a stickler for the rules… “Wait, are you Kravitz?”

Officer Queen blinked, mouth agape for a moment. “Oh, she, uh, talks about me?” He gave a nervous laugh. “That’s, jeez, okay?”

“She’s taken.” Most of Lup’s stories about Kravitz had been pretty funny. They seemed to get along and she never seemed uncomfortable with him, but Taako would be happy to make sure it stayed that way.

“Oh, god, no. Don’t get me wrong, she’s great but I’m- no.”

“Taken?”

“Gay.”

“Oh,” Taako leered. He advanced again and now Kravitz would be a breath away, unless he wanted to back all the way out the door. “In that case, lucky you. We’ve got a quality queer sugar cookie on the menu. Free if the owner likes you, which, wow, would you look at that? I think he does.”

Honestly, Taako wasn’t really sure what he was trying to do here. Did he want Kravitz to leave? It would certainly be easier that way. Officer Queen was very serious about law enforcement, if Lup’s stories and Taako’s ticket were any evidence. This entire store was funded by incredibly law-breaking money. Having a cop sniffing around was probably a bad idea.

So if he left, that’d be fine. But… well, go big or go home, right? Taako had enough fake boyfriends to be almost excited about a real date for once.

Surprisingly enough, Kravitz leaned forward, meeting Taako halfway without really thinking about it, keeping their eyes locked. It was like he was about to say something when he seemed to come back to himself with a small frown. “I’m only on a break.”

“I can get you a coffee-“

“No, no, I just saw the sign and was curious-“

“Maybe a donut? Might take longer than your break to fry up though.”

Kravitz gave a small laugh, and took a step back, out of the shop. “Really, Taako, I…” His frown returned. “I have to go but, when do you open?”

Instead of an answer, Taako turned heel and ducked behind the counter, rifling through his bag. “Here!” He jogged back to Kravitz. “I’m going to give these out next week during that county fair thing in Old Neverwinter. Has the grand opening date on it and a coupon for a free drink but,” he brought the card to his lips, letting his shiny pink gloss stain the paper. “You can bring it back whenever you want for a free whatever you want.”

He handed the card to Kravitz, who barely held onto it, mouth agape, still standing outside the shop. “Uh,” he managed and Taako laughed.

“Come on, Officer, don’t make me give you a ticket for loitering.” Feeling merciful, he turned back towards the counter, checking the level again before marking the surface to be drilled into. When he glanced over his shoulder, Kravitz had taken his exit. Taako sighed, leaning back against the counter. Magnus would be over in a few minutes and there was still so much to do, but he couldn’t help feeling giddy despite the labor. Three weeks and he’d own his own cafe. No more debt, no more crime, no more lying. If he scored a date, that’d just be the cherry on top.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako doesn't rush in, but he's not exactly good out here either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you haven't noticed the 'danger' 'arson' and 'kidnapping' tags, now is the time to pay attention to them. This chapter features off-screen violence and all of those mentioned tags, so please proceed with caution since this is a pretty significant tone shift from the first three chapters.

It wasn’t his final con, Taako decided, but tonight was his final _night_. Late nights were always busy, lots of cash to be made, but that was also when real crime tended to happen. He’d been calling Ren so frequently, he was worried she was starting to suspect him. She still took him seriously, always sent back up that he’d watch drive by, but her tone was shifting. He’d hear a pen scratching as he talked, taking notes that he was pretty sure weren’t station protocol. Besides, being around actual criminals was skeeving him out- Taako was may be breaking the law but he wasn’t like them.

He wasn’t like Lup or Kravitz either though, a fact he tried to remind himself of as he took his final bribe for the evening. Whoever this guy was didn’t seem to learn his lesson, speeding off again the second Taako was done with him.

“Asshole.” He should maybe follow him again. He didn’t get a license number to call in- the street lamp was too far away and the sliver of the moon was barely casting a glow. But what would be the point? There wasn’t any more cash to get and the guy had paid a generous donation to the ‘officer spring baseball fund’. No one else was on the empty highway. A little speeding wouldn’t really hurt anyone.

He was already back in his own car, flipping off his flashing light, when he heard tires screech. Turning on his brights along the dark road, he drove ahead only a half mile before seeing the car he’d just pulled over wrecked against the sign of an abandoned Pizza Hut. “What the fuck?”

Taako wasn’t about to jump out of his car and rush in, but something about this whole thing was weird. No one was left at the sight of the crash. Weirder still, light was coming from inside the Pizza Hut. Even if the windows weren’t boarded up, it wouldn’t be open at this hour.

There was a scream, decidedly not belonging to the guy he’d pulled over, and that was too much for Taako to sit around waiting on. He grabbing his flashlight from where he’d tossed it onto the passenger seat, killed the engine on his car, and ran out.

Looking over the wreck showed signs of a struggle. He had to do a double take, but it looked like someone had clawed through the backseat from the trunk. Another scream and he focused on the Pizza Hut. “Fuck, I do not steal enough to deal with this kind of shit,” but Taako crept forward, lowering his center of gravity and keeping out of view from the broken down door.

“Cam, you’ve got to stop screaming or we’re really going to have a problem.”

“Get off me, you sadistic fuck!“ There was the sound of a slap, then of duct tape ripping. Taako peered up, seeing the man he’d pulled over tying up someone apparently named Cam.

“Now now, we had a deal. And then you went and crashed my car.” The man stalked around Cam, circling, as though this was his own personal stage instead of an empty fast food joint. As he turned, for a split second, Taako was terrified they had locked eyes. He dropped down, panting as he scrambled for his cell phone and dialed for Ren.

There were footsteps and Taako ended the call before it could connect. He dodged away from the building, rolling along the gravel as he switched off his flashlight.

“Fuck, I don’t have time for this,” the man sounded put upon, like someone brought rain to his barbecue rather than interrupted his kidnapping. “Lydia’s only a few blocks down, we can walk.”

There was some pretty intense scuffling sounds, but Taako didn’t let curiosity get the better of him. The door to the Pizza Hut was kicked open, and the man was leading Cam out with his hands tied behind his back.

“Listen, Edward, Eddie, come on. Our deal is still good. You don’t have to do this. I can get you anything you want. I’ve got connections, you know that, keeping me alive will bring you so many more-“

“If you don’t shut up.” This Edward guy was terrifyingly calm. There was a quick movement and Taako caught the glint of a knife. “I will shut you up. Understood, dear?”

Cam nodded and the pair started walking through the grass away from the abandoned lot.

Taako was shaking, sitting behind the corner of the crumbling building, gravel digging into the pants of his stolen uniform. He should get in his car and go home. Get in his car and maybe call Ren. Tell her about suspicious activity by the neighborhood he knew was a few blocks in the direction Edward and Cam were walking. He should turn around and pretend he was never here.

That Cam guy was probably scum, talking about connections, probably worked with this Edward and Lydia duo before they got sick of him. Taako owed him nothing. Taako didn’t owe anyone anything! He should go home.

Instead, he stood, following the pair through the tall grass, hiding in the shadows cast around street lamps while they walked through a set of cookie cutter houses. Finally, they stopped in front of one, thought nothing about it seemed to stand out from the rest. Cam and Edward walked up the porch, and Taako ducked behind a bush to get out his phone. With one last glance back, he froze. Edward definitely saw him this time. He paused in the doorway after pushing Cam inside. His eyes narrowed, then gave Taako a smile that made his skin crawl. Edward placed a single finger to his lips, winked at him, then turned to go inside.

“I’m going to die,” Taako concluded as he sank back down. He didn’t hang up on Ren for the second time, but he got no signal while hiding in this shrub. “I am literally going to die.”

There was shouting in the house, nothing Taako could understand, but there was the sound of a car starting. “Fuck,” he didn’t have much time. Scrambling away from the bush, he ran to the door. He didn’t even need to pick the lock, Edward had left it open. “Yup, oh god, yup, I am definitely going to die,” he whispered even as he pushed the door open, grateful there weren’t any squeaky hinges, and made his way into the house. It was empty, a lone couch stood with a sheet over it, but there was nothing else.

Lup had taken him to a party in this neighborhood, only a few months ago. Something her boss was hosting or whatever. When they left the party, he and Lup walked around the block to her car and laughed at how every single house they passed was the same. That night had been been full of people and different furniture, but the bones were the same as this house. Taako traced along the wall next to the stairs until he found the breaker box. At the party, it had been covered by the ugliest painting he’d ever seen. The host tried to justify that it was covering the equally ugly metal door to the fuses. “It’d be less ugly if I was looking at the door, ma’am.” He’d said and Lup had to choke down a laugh before she slapped him on the arm and apologized to her boss.

It had been a fun night. He wondered if he and Kravitz had only just missed running into each other.

Taako forced himself to focus, flipping down the switch labelled ‘garage’ just as the telltale sound of a mechanical door started to rise. It stopped, then slammed against concrete. “Old house, old power. Next time we’re breaking and entering for real,” someone who sounded almost like Edward shouted. A door slammed and there were footsteps come towards him again.

“I thought I was pretty clear. Keep quiet about this and we wont have any trouble. This looks like trouble.” Edward still sounded so calm. Taako didn’t think twice before slamming all the fuses, plunging the house into darkness. “Now that wasn’t very nice.”

Taako sprinted for the front door and slammed it behind him. Phone in hand, he tried calling the station again as he ran along the side of the house, ducking below the windows. When the line went through, he could have sobbed. “Ren, oh thank god, get Lup to Mirkwood Court in-“

“Who is this! You think I didn’t see you try to get a call in tonight? Think I haven’t listen to you fake an accent every other week? We do not encourage vigilantism in this city!”

“Ren, listen-“

“You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

“Ren please! I need Lup-“

“I am going to track your number and-“ Whatever rant she was gearing up for stopped. “Sir, are you okay?”

“No! Ren, there is a hostage situation at 51 Mirkwood Court in Winter county. Please get Lup down here now!”

She sucked in a breath, sound crackling through the phone, drawing whatever dreadful conclusion as to how a civilian could know of a kidnapping. “Sir, please stay on the line, we’re sending someone to you right now.”

“It better fucking be Lup,” he hissed, scrambling around the back of the house as he heard the footsteps crunching on the dewy grass.

“She’s out of the office right now, but-“

“Then whoever you’re sending should pray they’re half as good as she is!”

“Sir, stay on the li-“ But Taako had already hung up. Any more sound and he was going to get caught. He looked back, expecting Edward to be towering over him. Instead, nothing. Then all the lights in the house turned on at the same time.

“We might as well close up here,” Edward said. Fuck, he sounded bored. Was chasing a potential witness not important enough to him? What was wrong with this guy? Taako crouched under one of the windows, watching as a woman of Edward’s height dragged Cam into the living room.

“You wanna do it?” She must be Lydia, Taako concluded, as she brought out a much larger knife than the one he'd seen before.

“Oh no, I got to grab him, you can have this part.” They grinned at each other and there was something sickening about their joy. Footsteps clacked closer to the window and Taako dropped down again. “But make it quick, we’re going to have company soon.”

Taako’s hand was over his mouth, trying not to breathe too hard, trying not to sob, not to throw up. What the hell did he care what happened to this Cam guy? He called the cops, did all he could do. Why was he still here?

There was a swish, a slick sound, and a muffled scream that felt like it went on forever. Taako was definitely going to puke if he didn’t move _right. now._

He should have ran around the back, ran to his car by the Pizza Hut, and gone home. Instead, he was at the front door again and he kicked it open. “This is the Neverwinter Police! Put your hands up!” He dropped his voice, brandishing his flashlight in a strobe, trying to give the illusion of having a weapon ready.

“Ruining all our fun,” Edward sighed, voice carrying through the house. “Lyd, go, I’ve got this.”

“What about Cam?”

“Oh, well, you know how old houses are. So easy to get lost in.”

There was shuffling, doors slamming, and Taako tried to make himself move forward into the house. Lights flashed behind him, red and blue, and he pushed in further. If he could get through the kitchen, maybe find this Cam guy on the way, and avoid Edward, there was a back door he could-

Car tires screeched and something crashed. Taako jumped, whipping around in a frenzy before realizing the bang was only something that fell over deeper in the house. Lydia was driving away, it sounded like one of the cop cars was following her, but Taako needed to focus on finding whatever made that noise.

“You know,” Edward started and Taako whipped around again. Fuck, where was he? “These old houses, just the worst electricity. Cheap wiring, so prone to…” A match sizzled and struck. “Bad luck.”

Whatever Edward had been hoping for, this blaze wasn’t it. Taako saw the flames start up from the breaker box, but there was no grand explosion, no dangerous wildfire. The sparks were enough though, the flames were spreading to the floor and smoke filling the room.

“Help!” Another bang, from a closet down the hall to Taako’s right, the opposite way of the kitchen.

“You’ve got to make a choice,” Edward said, and god, he sounded so close, but this time Taako refused to turn around. Fear or foolish bravery, he wasn’t sure which kept him in place, but as the fire crackled louder, he tried to listen for footsteps. “Save yourself, or save Cam. I’ve dumped enough gasoline to burn him alive in ten minutes. However, you wont get out before the real police come in if you don’t forsake him.”

There was a bullhorn outside, one of the officers demanding that hostages be released, that folks come out with their hands up and “We’ll talk about all this, calmly, like rational people!”

Nothing about this guy was rational, Taako knew that. Then again, it wasn’t like he was coming out the front of this house any time soon either. “And you think you’re getting out in time?” If Taako could just hear those stupid footsteps…

“So witty. So brave. Honestly, I’m impressed. If you ever want to quit this fake cop thing, definitely give us a call.”

“How did you-“

“Oh dear, you’re dreadfully unconvincing. Now tick-tock.” A single snap of heel on tile and Taako whipped around, smashing the side of his flashlight against something he really hoped was Edward.

“How convincing was that, _dear_.” Taako sneered, only enjoying his victory for a moment before more footsteps echoed in over the smoke.

“This is the Neverwinter Police! We gave you a warning, now I need everyone to put their hands- Oh shit, is that a fire?” There was a crackling of a radio as Kravitz called for backup.

Wait, Kravitz was here? Taako could recognize that voice in his sleep, but he would give anything to have misheard.

“Fuck,” Taako whispered. He scrambled back, down the hall, throwing open a closet door as Cam tumbled onto him. “Get the hell out of here and if I ever catch you with those assholes again, I am not rescuing you.”

“Yes officer! Thank you officer!” Cam was practically tripping over his feet, pushing past Taako to run for the back door. He was clutching his hand, blood staining the front of his shirt, and Taako felt sick all over again.

“Officer?” Kravitz turned down the hall and even through the smoke, they could see each other clearly. “T-Taako?”

“Uh, nope. I’m a smoke induced hallucination. You really should get out here, my man. Old houses like this don’t last long under this kind of heat.”

“You’re- you’re not a police officer. You’re a pastry chef and a retail manager.”

“Okay, I specialize in pastries, but I cook other stuff too. Really, Krav, hun, not the time for semantics.” Taako tried to walk past him, tried to get Kravitz to move out of this house. He could hear the beams on the second floor start to creak as they caught fire. “Come on.”

“Why are you wearing a police uniform?”

“Kravitz, this isn’t the- fuck!”

The smart thing to do would have been letting Edward attack. He was behind Kravitz, Kravitz wasn’t paying attention, it would have been an easy escape for Taako. No matter how handsome the officer was, a pretty face wasn’t worth going to jail for, or getting caught in a house fire during a botched kidnapping. Maybe it was more than the pretty face, but Taako was not about to let Kravitz get stabbed. So, like an idiot, he barrelled forward, tackling Edward to the ground.

Kravitz joined the scuffle, but that only succeeded in getting the knife away from Edward. The smoke was thick above them, all the lights of the house flickering in a strange strobe. Taako thought he had the upper hand for a moment. Then he was shoved onto his back. Looking up, he expected death, but it was Kravitz holding him down.

“Tell me you are not working with the Wendor twins!” He shouted, eyes wide like Taako had betrayed him. They’d only just met, what was there to betray?

“The who twins? Look, I’m all for you being strong on top, but he’s getting away!” Taako barely started to struggle when Kravitz released him.

“You’re not working with him.”

“No! I stopped him from killing that other guy. Fuck, which you didn’t see but there was another guy that they took and- whatever! We’ll deal with the details later.” Taako ran down the hall, back into the main living room. He was wheezing, air unbreathable, but Edward was just as affected, swaying as he tried to move to the door, before realizing that’s where the police were and circling back, only to be faced with Taako and Kravitz again. Well, if the blow to the head didn’t knock him out, a concussion was just as good.

Without turning away from their target, Taako moved his hand towards Kravitz. “Gimme your handcuffs.”

“What? No.”

“Krav, trust me,” Taako was already moving forward, keeping Edward’s attention as they circled around the single couch.

“You have done literally nothing to earn my trust.” And yet, the handcuffs flew through the air for Taako to catch.

He lunged at Edward, taking him over the back of the couch. He was hardly successful in keeping him down, but the struggle was enough to get one handcuff on. Edward grabbed Taako’s leg as he scrambled to stand, to get some sort of leverage. The pain that burst from his grip was sudden and felt impossibly sharp. Another knife? Or was this guy part time Wolverine? Either way, Taako fell back to the ground and Edward rose.

It was distraction enough, and Kravitz secured the remaining cuff. That only slowed Edward. He kept advancing as Taako scrambled backwards until his back hit the wall. A beam above them creaked, a suspended moment in which everyone in the house looked up. Edward stumbled backwards into Kravitz’s grip as the beam fell, bringing a firestorm with it.

“You got him?” Taako asked, forcing himself to his feet. His leg burned, and the stray embers landing on his pants were not helping.

“I got him. Are you okay?”

“Yeah I-” He coughed, bracing a hand against the wall before jerking it back. The heat was unbelievable. This house was not going to stand much longer. “Get out of here! I’ll go out the back.”

Kravitz frowned, but started dragging Edward to the front. Then he paused, and Taako was ready to scream. Why wouldn’t this idiot save himself? “You can’t wear an officer’s uniform. We need to handle this situation.”

“For the love of,” Taako stopped his staggering towards the kitchen. Lit by the eerie orange strobe, Kravitz looked divine. Not the time to appreciate the view, though. “You can handle me all out want later! How about we get out of the burning building first, huh?”

If Kravitz said something more to him, Taako didn’t hear. He turned and limped faster, as more of the second floor collapsed into the living room. Once he was out the back, his leg felt slightly less terrible and he pushed himself to a run. Kravitz would tell the other officers on the scene that there was another criminal escaping and Taako was not about to get caught.

He made it to his car, collapsing into the seat and locking the door. No officers chasing him, no kidnappers to chase. His leg still burned, but he could deal with that once he caught his breath. Taako waited another hour, dressing his leg with the rudimentary first aid kit he kept in the glovebox. No squad cars came his way. However, Edward’s wrecked car sat in front him the entire time. It was just a hunk of scrap metal now, but it felt like it was mocking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While editing this, the flirting-mid-deadly-situation feels a little strange, but I also feel like that's how Taako would CopeTM, ya know? Also I love Ren with my whole entire heart. Thanks for reading!! Next chapter comes out on Wednesday!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes to light and it's not great.

“Sorry Taaks, can’t join for breakfast. Pop a slice in the fridge and I’ll taste test it when I get home!” Lup kissed his forehead before heading for the door.

“They’re calling you in already?”

“Yeah, super weird case last night,” she said as she pulled on her boots. “Three suspects and all of them got away! And the person who called in is- well it’s a whole thing, but Ren said they asked for me specifically! Super weird.”

Taako felt his blood run cold. “Wait, all three got away?”

“Official police stuff, bro bro, don’t worry about it. I’ll be home for dinner! One week til your grand opening! I’m so excited!” She waved and the door slammed behind her.

Taako slumped against the counter, lowering the heat on the potatoes and taking a breath. All three? Maybe they were counting Cam too? If Edward escaped then…

Taako forced himself back up, taking the breakfast quiche out before it burned. No, no, there was nothing to be worried about. Edward knew nothing about him. He wouldn’t be able to find some random fake officer. Everything was fine. One week until his cafe opened, one last week of crime, then everything was going to be fine.

He let himself take a half day today, starting well after noon. It was a slow day but not completely uneventful. Lot of old jerks driving around, with cars that they clearly wanted forty years ago, driving faster than their hearts could possibly stand. They usually tried to talk their way out of a ticket, but were always happy to buy Taako off. Never paid him well though, jerks.

It was one of these jerks that Taako was dealing with now. Some geezer who wouldn’t even roll down his window. “Sir, please don’t make me call for backup. You were just going way too fast, I had to pull you over.”

“Then call backup!” The man shouted through the window.

Taako sighed. Maybe he should just let the guy go. Really, what sort of idiot put a ‘ask me about my artificing’ bumper sticker on a sick Camaro like this? If Taako didn’t want out of this crime nonsense, maybe he could be driving a car like that in a few years. “Sir-”

“I want your badge number!” He yelled over him.

Taako rolled his eyes, reciting Lup’s number without having to think about it. He glanced down at his phone, checking the time and shooting Magnus a text- maybe he’d call it a day extra early if Magnus was free and they could grab some drinks.

* * *

Across town, the dispatcher’s phone rang next to Ren Mol’diira. “And that’s when the call got really weird! Wait, hold on,” she said, before answering the line. “Hello, this is the non-emergency number, what can I-”

“Badge number, some hooligan pulled me over when _I was not speeding_ and I want to know if he’s the real deal.”

Ren rolled her eyes and her friend laughed silently next to her. “Okay sir, if you tell me the number I’ll- ah, yes, okay, that’s one of our officers. Wait.” Her eyes narrowed. “Give me that number one more time.” She double checked the record. “Okay sir, keep your window rolled up. That is not one of our officers. Stay where you are, I’m sending someone over right now. Yes sir, of course. Now please stay on the-”

The man hung up and Ren sighed before turnin to her friend. “Lup, you’re going to want to check this out. Rumor has it you’re on Highway 609 right now.”

* * *

Taako should have noticed when the conversation through the window got easier, should have noticed that there was suddenly a cellphone on the passenger seat. The man was dragging out the conversation but Taako was too busy thinking about the rest of his afternoon.

The sirens finally caught his attention. They only started once the squad car was already pulled up behind Taako’s own flashing lights. “Oh fuck,” he managed, nearly dropping his phone when he saw who got out the car. For a brief, hopeful moment, he considered running. But they knew where he lived, knew his face now. Besides, Lup was always faster than he was.

“Taako, what the hell is going on.”

“Lulu, there is really such a good explanation for this.”

The officer who rode with her was already up behind him, forcing him over the hood of the Caramo. The metal felt like a shock against the thin fabric of his uniform shirt, then another jolt of cold fear as cuffs closed around his wrists. Still, Taako didn’t struggle.

“It better be a damn good explanation,” Lup said. Taako twisted his head to look at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. The other officer dragged him back up, and he tried not to stumble. His leg still felt strange after last night, but it was mostly manageable. They passed Lup and she was shaking. Taako half expected a punch to the gut, though she would never indulge her fireball rage while on the job. She was too good for that.

She still wouldn’t look at him, but Taako could see tears running down her face. Anger would have been so much better.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thrilling conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i am so sorry, fridays are definitely not real to me)  
> Thanks for reading this far! I kind of imagined this whole story as a "pilot" of a series. I'd like to write more, schedule permitting, but I'm not sure when.

The ride to the station was longer than Taako remembered it being. But that could just be from the terrifying quiet. Neither of the real officers said anything and Taako was certainly not about to start talking. Unless, shoot, he was supposed to state that he was enacting his fifth amendment right, right? He opened his mouth to do so but sighed instead, slumping in the back seat. What was the point? Lup was never going to forgive him for this. Prison might actually be better.

She parked the squad car and muttered something to her coworker, before taking Taako out herself. She was surprisingly gentle, but the distance between them was painful as she led him by the elbow past the lobby. They went into a side room, sat in opposite chairs across a metal table, and she started filling out paperwork.

“So.” She finally looked at him. Her eyes were still rimmed red.

“Lulu-”

She shook her head, lips pursed with barely contained fury that melted away into something so much worse. “None of that,” she said with a forced calm that hurt to hear.

“Okay.” He tried to get comfortable in the metal chair with the metal cuffs behind his back but it was hopeless.

“How-” Lup’s voice cracked and she started again. “How long has this been going on?”

“A while.”

“Taako.”

“Started back in September, I think.”

She sucked in a breath through her teeth and scribbled down his answer. She looked at him again and it was like there was smoke in his lungs. “Since you got the promotion.”

Taako was the first to break eye contact. “I, uh, didn’t get promoted.”

She didn’t respond, just waited him out. She probably already knew the answer, just what he’d said was enough of a confession, but she wanted to hear it.

“I got fired.”

The bark of laughter startled him. “So you get fired and, what? Join a fucking gang? What is wrong with you!” She stood suddenly, but he leaned forward, trying to match her as she paced around the small room.

“Why the fuck does everyone think I’m working with the crazy twins? No, I’m not in a gang! I literally only ran into them last night. I’ve just been committing a little fraud.”

“A little? Taako, this isn’t- Fuck, you just confessed. You can’t keep a job and you can’t even run a con right!”

“I was fucking amazing at running a con for half a year and I-” He wasn’t sure how they started shouting at each other, but he was the first to stop. “Lup. Please, whatever I have to do to fix this, I'll do it.”

She sat back down, slumped over with her head in her hands. “Taako,” she sighed and looked at him again. He forced himself to keep looking at her. “If it were up to me, I’d let you off easy. Community service, fines, that kind of thing. But it is literally so not up to me, it’s laughable. There’s probably going to be a trial, you’ll have to convince a lot of people who aren’t your goddamn sister who loves you, you fucking idiot. I would have helped you if you needed money, you know that.”

“Lulu-”

“No!” She slammed her hands on the table and he jumped. She looked guilty, but pushed on, voice soft again. “I can’t help you anymore. I’m a suspect, Taako. You took my uniform, learned the police codes from me while I was studying, lived in the same damn house with me while you did all this and I had no fucking clue!” Her voice was breaking again and Taako had to look away.

She took a deep breath and stood. Taako heard retreating footsteps and the door opening. “I’ll put in a good word,” Lup whispered, before closing the door and leaving him alone.

“Go easy on him, please.” He heard her say as the door opened again. “He’s all I have.”

He had a moment to smile to himself. How mad could she be, if she’d still consider him family? The two of them had cut people out of their lives for less. They were always a duo, no matter how much trouble they dragged each other into. Maybe a few years away, doing the proper time for his crimes, and Taako could come back and everything would be fine.

“Well, you really didn’t want to follow any of the laws, did you? What, officers still weren’t attractive enough?”

“Oh my god, no. No, you do not get to decide my fate, are you kidding me?” Taako scowled as Kravitz closed the door behind himself and strolled into the room.

“Well, I don’t decide it. A jury of your peers will. You know, through the legal system. The system you basically spat on for the last six months.”

“You can cut the accent, Kravitz.”

“You should really be calling me Officer Queen.” At least he dropped the fake Cockney. “Or sir, if you’re feeling cheeky.”

Kravitz sat across from him, spinning the chair Lup had just been in to straddle his legs around the back. Taako had to laugh, at a loss for any other kind of reaction. “God, you think you’re so cool right now, don’t you? Don’t even try, my guy. I know you. You’re a flustered pretty boy, with stupid accents and a weakness for sugar cookies. Don’t act like you’re in control right now.”

“Oh, but I am.” Kravitz leaned forward, absolutely leering. “You know, with that nice little confession you just gave, they might let you off easy. It’s a ten year minimum for impersonating an officer in this district. If you want to go to trial, well, I might have to bring up arson, bribing an officer, sexual harassment-”

“Woah, okay, the arson was not my fault. And we both know that was not harassment, Officer Queen. I may be an idiot criminal but I have eyes. I’ve seen how you look at me.”

Kravitz rolled his eyes, but Taako could see a blush creeping across his cheeks. “If you go to trial, you will lose. That’s a fifteen year minimum and a fine that will put you even further in debt than you were before this whole con act started. You can kiss your bakery goodbye.”

“It’s a cafe,” Taako grumbled. He’d already sort of accepted that fate. Lup wouldn’t be able to run it, not with her job, if she was even able to keep that after all Taako had ruined. And everyone else he knew would burn down the kitchen before being able to make anything edible. Still stung to be reminded of all he was going to lose, though.

“However,” Kravitz’s playful tone throughout all of this had bordered on cruel in Taako’s opinion, but now there was a shift. Something conspiratorial about it. “You really should thank Ms. Mol’Diira. You think my accent is bad? She noticed pretty early on that there was a similarity in the very fake voices you were using every time you called, so she started keeping track of what you called in. In fact, she’s credited you with more successful dangerous driving arrests than any other officer in the district.”

“Really?” Taako’s face scrunched up even as his shoulders lost some of the tension they were holding. “You guys suck at your job.”

Kravitz laughed. “Well, most of our officers are focused on bigger cases. Such as that kidnapping you got entangled with. We got a statement from a, uh, Cameron Sorcera. Sound familiar? He described someone who matches your description. Says you saved his life. Taako, for a fake cop, you’ve got almost as much potential as Lup did when she joined the force.”

Taako barked out a short laugh, his smile like a knife. “Don’t insult my sister like that.”

Kravitz’s brows knitted together for only a moment. “I’m serious. What you did last night was nothing short of heroic.”

The silence that settled over the interrogation room was unsettling, but Kravitz seemed comfortable in it. Taako supposed that was his job after all. He wished he could enjoy the irony about this man; at ease against dangerous criminals but flustered by a flirting pastry chef.

“Look, I’m not a hero.” The word tasted sour in Taako’s mouth. “But I’m not a monster. I couldn’t just stand by while people got away with all the shit they did.”

Kravitz nodded, like he’d been expecting that answer. How? He hardly knew Taako and what he did know was not worthy of whatever that thoughtful look was on that handsome face. “I’m sure you know your sister is taking leave for the next two months.”

“Yeah.” Fuck, she and Barold had been planning that trip for months. Courthouse marriage and then all the ‘sorry we can’t attend the wedding’ gift money from distant relatives was going to be dumped into the most epic honeymoon imaginable. With all the trouble Taako had stirred up, there’s no way she’d be able to go.

“I’ll be down my best officer. And the Wendor case, which has been cold for months, finally has a lead. Plus, she’s taking Civilian Officer Bluejeans and he does more paperwork here than everyone else combined- we’ll be swamped while they’re gone.”

“Wait,” Taako tilted his head. Something didn’t add up. “Lup said she was a suspect. They’re not going to let her out of the state.”

Kravitz returned to that playful grin, too handsome to possibly be legal no matter which side of the law he was on. “‘They’ who? The only person of authority who knows about your little stunt is me.”

Taako wished he could say he was distracted. Wished he had some kind of reason for his confusion. He wasn’t even lost staring at those perfectly plush lips smiling at him. No, he had heard every word, but still didn’t understand. He just sat there, slack jawed and staring at Kravitz, who leaned across the table, giving a stage whisper.

“Here’s my offer. If you can pass the written officer’s exam, manage all of Bluejean’s paperwork, and cease any and all criminal activity, I will allow you to serve your sentence for the next two months as a probationary officer instead of the next ten years behind bars.”

“You… You can’t do that? What happened to a jury of my peers? To the respect for the legal system? You can’t just play the law however you want. You’re one guy. And you’re not even a judge.”

Kravitz gave a chuckle, leaning back and seeming to lounge in the rigid metal chair. “That’s funny. What exactly have you been doing the past six months?”

Taako gave a reluctant nod.

“So, you want to take this to court? Or do we have a deal?”

“You’re really serious.”

“Not for long, though.” Kravitz looked to his wrist, but he wasn’t even wearing a watch. “I’ve got a meeting with the district supervisor in ten minutes, so make your decision.”

“Is there a catch?”

“It’s a lot of paperwork.”

“And only two months?”

“I might consider an extended position if you follow the rules.”

“Why me?”

Again, Kravitz’s eyebrows creased towards each other, confusion and concern mixed in a beautiful twist, though he willed the expression away as fast as it came. “Well, I can’t exactly get my free drink if you never open your cafe.”

Whatever Taako felt at those flippant words didn’t feel real. Nothing about any of this felt real. It was like something fantastical and fictional was bubbling up inside him like a colorful, magical glow. Distantly, he thought the feeling might be hysteria. This whole situation, the entire last six months and certainly the last twenty-four hours, were too impossible to really get a grip on. Laughter tumbled out of him and Taako mirrored Kravitz’s lounged pose, as much as the handcuffs twisting his arms behind him would allow.

“Huh, so mister high and mighty law man is willing to let crime slide by for a pretty face. Bet I really could have gotten out of that ticket if you let me suck your–” The sound of Kravitz’s chair screeching across the tile was enough to stop him, so the finger pressed against his mouth seemed unnecessary. Especially with Kravitz half lunged across the table to place it there.

Despite the deep flush across his face, Officer Queen managed to keep his voice forceful. “If you make a single sexual remark towards me again, if you so much as look at my ass once I’m out of this room, I will end this entire thing and you will go to jail.”

He should be concerned. He should pay attention to Kravitz’s warning, should take this strange, hail Mary deal and keep on the straight and narrow for the rest of eternity. But he was neither straight nor narrow, and all of this still seemed like a fever dream.

It was too easy to stick his tongue out and lick upwards along Kravitz’s finger. The officer jolted his hand back at the slick sensation, but didn’t unsprawl himself from over the table. It was a cute look on him, horrified at the situation and horrified at his own interest all at once.

“What?” Taako grinned. “You said we started once you were out of the room.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of this is ethically questionable on Kravitz's part, but I wanted to channel the same vibe he had when he let three high-stakes bounties get away after a game of Uno and a pottery date. Aside from his crush on Taako (which I think Kravitz knows is a problem, hence his rule about no more flirting) he sees genuine potential and a desire to do the right thing. Instead of sending him away, Kravitz realizes Taako could become a very valuable resource to what is a very understaffed team.  
> Anyway, this is fanfic, rules don't apply. Thanks again for reading! I love all your comments, and feel free to talk to me on tumblr at Castcharmperson.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! New chapters on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. If there's anything you think I should tag for, please let me know. And if you're super eager for the next update, you can find the full story on tumblr @ castcharmperson.


End file.
